1.a. a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not: the traditional family.
b. a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for: a single-parent family.
2. the children of one person or one couple collectively: We want a large family.
3. the spouse and children of one person: We’re taking the family on vacation next week.
4. any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.
The word family is an important word for most people. It is usually a core of our life to be apart of something that is special. To have a close group of people that you can rely on and that rely on you. People who can be there when you fall down in this life. Help you back up on your feet. Most people have lots of close family. Cousins and Aunts and Uncles who care about you. Check on you from time to time. Big families, small families. It is diverse and wonderful. I have a very small family. It is a very close and wonderful thing and time and time again they have been there for me. I wouldn’t trade them for a bigger family for anything in the world.
Spending some time deep in thought today about what the word family means I came to find that the people that I am related to (besides my mom and brother and sister) are totally useless. We may as well not have them. And yes, you can gauge by just that statement alone that this post is going to be wrought with insults and drama. And I am letting you know now that I have climbed up quite high upon my soap box for this one. I shall stand upon it strong until I feel as though I have thoroughly exhausted myself and the subject matter.
Spending my whole life knowing that the family we had was merely there for using my mom and us kids as either babysitters are stealing our homes from us whenever it was convenient for them to take what we had was normal. We knew these people didn’t care about us so I am not sure why my mom and I hung around so long. I would like to say that I don’t doubt the use of brain washing and or voodoo. Just sayin….
My mom has loads of siblings. So I have an Aunt (who is scary as all get out) and several uncles. I am close to none of these people. They would sooner sell my organs than ever truly help me so I do my best to stay clear. Experience in this area is what dictates my behavior. My Aunt in the course of 5 years managed to convince my mom that she needed the trailers we were living in. She would always make sure we were either going to go back to Pittsburgh when she took them, or that she had something smaller and dumpier to give us. When I was 15 and going into high school she took our big 3 bedroom trailer because she needed it and luckily we had just bought an 8×35 travel trailer from someone who wasn’t her and we lived in it for a year. It was actually great. It was crowded and it was tough, but it was ours and she couldn’t take it from us. We still came back to live in places that she had “found” for us and had it fall through. I still claim that voodoo was used.
Then after all of that I met Bob (the husband currently being divorced). His loving family told me lies of alcoholism and mean spirited behavior in an effort to keep me from being with him. They told him I was a whore, and a evil heathen. Brilliant type of family right. Amazing that when I married him I gained nothing in the way of loving family except a set of his Grandparents that still occasionally talk to me.
So what is all this whining and complaining about. Well my mind was racing over the definition of family, what it means, what people want from it. I thought over my entire life and the dealings that I have had with my family, with Bob’s family and my impressions from other people about family. It was quite intense and when it was all through I found that the breath had been sucked from my lungs. All of my family currently sides with the broken Bob since I left. He is blameless in their eyes and I am a harlot who ran away from home. Did any of my family check on me when they heard I left? See how my daughter’s are doing? No phone calls, no emails, no is there anything we can do for you. Nothing. I haven’t heard from anyone on his side either. So much for getting married and getting a bigger family. All I got out of the deal was more people to call me names. Wonderful. I am glad that my cousin who just had a baby with a married man, my other cousin that is marrying the man who might be the father of her kids, and my aunt who bounces between half the year with her current husband and the other half with her previous husband can sit around and self rightously talk about what a jerk I am. Freaking awesome.
So what have I learned today? Well thankfully today is the first time I have contemplated this whole scenario so I haven’t spent my whole life plagued my thoughts of a missing and absent loving family. So I have learned that I am even more grateful for my brother and sister and mom. They stood by me when I chose to stay longer than I should have. They stood by me when I asked them to move in with me because my financial future was unsure. They stood by me even though one by one Bob got each of them to move out and leave me there isolated from them. And they stood by me when I left to be on my own with my daughters.
Today on Mother’s Day I am grateful for my mom who has always stood by me, my sister who is always there if I need her. And a wonderful brother who always knows how to make me feel better.
With love and thanks,
I have no song for today, so if one comes to mind as you are the reader then please just post it and let me know.