Entropy – noun
1. See also law of thermodynamics S a thermodynamic quantity that changes in a reversible process by an amount equal to the heat absorbed or emitted divided by the thermodynamic temperature. It is measured in joules per kelvin
2. a statistical measure of the disorder of a closed system expressed by S = k log P + c where P is the probability that a particular state of the system exists, k is the Boltzmann constant, and c is another constant
3. lack of pattern or organization; disorder
4. a measure of the efficiency of a system, such as a code or language, in transmitting information

My life at times is in fact a swirling vortex of entropy. I feel the lack of pattern, the chaos drives me simply put, batty.

Most of the time there is little I can do about this force of entropy. Why you ask. Well it is because I have found that when your life contains some chaos and entropy. It is most likely your fault. No I am not blaming you. I don’t know anything about your life so I can’t say anything about you. I however have spent a great deal of time watching people since my interaction skills are weak at best. So I watch. What do I see you ask? I see people causing their own stress and chaos. Their very own entropy. Last summer I created my own. Sending a love letter to a man that wasn’t my husband. I started something that inevitably was out of my control. See now that is another word we need to define.

Control –noun
6. the act or power of controlling; regulation; domination or command: Who’s in control here?
7. the situation of being under the regulation, domination, or command of another: The car is out of control.
8. check or restraint: Her anger is under control.

Control is an interesting thing. All the people on this planet want to assert some sort of control over things. Our lives being the closest thing we feel like we can control we try very hard to keep our lives the way we plan. The problem is that control is an illusion. This life is far to complicated and unpredictable for control. From what I have seen most people have trouble controlling themselves. So how could control really be created and maintained? It simply cannot be done. All you can do is hope that you put things into place well enough to move on to the next day. Do your best with your disorganized mess of a life and then do it again tomorrow so that you can reach the ultimate goal. An eternity with the creator. This is really the only good goal to have. Other goals are secondary. The reason why. Well it has to do with the fact that accomplishments and happiness and all that other wonderful stuff means nothing when your dead. God doesn’t care if you were President of the good ole USA. He wants to know where your heart was and if you did his work while you were here. That is all.

My other favorite myth about control is that we try to control others. This is absolutely impossible. Not improbable but completely impossible. (without the aid of mind altering drugs and voodoo of course) The only thing is this life that you any amount of control over, and it is minimal, is yourself and your actions. You can do things to avoid bad things, eat well, excersize, try to stay out of trouble. But what if trouble comes and finds you. Let’s say you never smoke or drink but you get cancer. Or you are driving home from work and you have never had a ticket and always follow the letter of the driving law and you are killed by a drunk driver. These are just a few instances where the complete lack of control in a world that is spinning so fast, and it is so chaotic that we can do nothing but try our best to hang on and pray and believe and have faith that GOD is hanging on to us for dear life and he is going to make sure that we get through this round of drama so we can get ready for the next.

I heard something amazing about trials and tribulations and it is proof that things are always full of mountains of entropy.

You are either going into trials, are in a trial, or are heading out of one. You are never fully without trials and hard times. You are just either going in, working on it, or headed out. No matter what you are going to find yourself in it. Take the time to look at life when it feels like it is spinning out of control and realize that if you let go of the illusion of control, you realize that life is chaotic at best and that with a lot of prayer and help from GOD you can make it through, you realize that you are gonna make it out of this batch of chaos and you will find yourself in the short break time before you start heading into the next one.

I leave this post with one last thing. In my hectic life I have realized that when I am not going into a trial, or in one, or coming out and I am in that brief calm, I take things for granted. I don’t appreciate when I get through the line faster at the grocery store. I feel like I can appreciate things more when I am fully head on with GOD marathon running through a trial and just hoping that I get to land on my feet holding his hand on the other side.

With mountains of entropy ridden laundry,
Lady X

Addicted to Chaos – Megadeth

Only yesterday they told me you were gone
All these normal people, will I find another one?
Monkey on my back, Aching my bones
I forgot you said “One day you’ll walk alone”
I said I need you, does that make me wrong?
Am I a weak man, are you feeling strong?
My heart was blackened, It’s bloody red
A hole in my heart, a hole in my head?

Who will help me up?
Where’s the helping hand?
Will you turn on me?
Is this my final stand?

In a dream I cannot see
Tangled abstract fallacy
Random turmoil builds in me
I’m addicted to chaos

Lights shined on my path,
Turn bad days into good
Turn breakdowns into blocks, I smashed ’em
Cause I could
My brain was Labored, My head would spin
Don’t let me down, don’t give up, don’t give in
The rain comes down, cold wind blows
The plans we made are back up on the road
Turn up my collar, welcome the unknown
Remember that you said
“One day you’ll walk alone”

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