Time Vampires

Vampires –noun
1. a preternatural being, commonly believed to be a reanimated corpse, that is said to suck the blood of sleeping persons at night.
2. (in Eastern European folklore) a corpse, animated by an undeparted soul or demon, that periodically leaves the grave and disturbs the living, until it is exhumed and impaled or burned.
3. a person who preys ruthlessly upon others; extortionist.

I am a victim of time vampires. I wish that I could say that I didn’t invite them in (since your not supposed to) but I not only let them in, but I bare my neck and ask them seductively to suck all my available time out of me. (how is that for a naughty visual? And don’t tell me you haven’t had a vampire fantasy)

It is so easy to get sucked (forgive the pun) into doing things not on your list of things to accomplish. Another problem is that procrastination is one of my favorite time vampires. I love doing something totally opposite of what I should be doing. I am proud to say that today isn’t one of those days. But I can’t say for tomorrow.

Example of time vampires:


Family is a huge time vampire. Because they are your family and you want to help them. (Unless you hate them in which case good for you having one less thing to senselessly suck your time away)I love being helpful, but I promise that helping family is one of those things that will steal time away that you had for something else productive, like a nap, or getting drunk. You never know what you would have done with that time if you still had it!

Your Job:

I have to put this in here since I work from home. I am sure that a “real” job as my sister and mom put it, would steal lots of my time. Since I have no desire to have a boss vampire suck away my daily nap I will have to take other peoples words when it comes to reporting to another demanding individual that controls my paycheck. My bosses are currently loving friends of mine, and as disorganized as me. Works out well.

Your kids:

This breed of time vampire you signed up for whether on purpose or on accident. I expect my kids to take up at least 80% of my day since my youngest is 2. Now that being said this is one of the time vampires that is worth the most. They give back 10 fold in love and drama. But I say be grateful. Their drama is way smaller than that of any of your time sucking friends.

Your friends:

Some people should never get on the phone at all. This statement is true for most woman. We shouldn’t be allowed on the phone. Not with another girl and definetly not with a man! Get a woman on the phone with man that is chatty. The world stops, and the talking can go on forever. As any one of my guy friends. They stay off the phone with me because I am so awesome, they don’t want to get back off. They want to hear me chat it up all day. This is the honest truth. I am funny and interesting and while that sounds terribly arrogant (I am a little arrogant) it is true and it draws them into long conversations that are related to next to nothing at all. What is worse about getting on the phone with me? Well now I am vampire sucking away all your phone minutes too. Take that small cell bill!!

Spouses and Exes:

Boy is this one of the huge ones! So you are in a committed long term relationship, married, attached, its complicated, whatever facebook title you would like to stick on your relationship. Relationships are high maintenance and they require loads of your time. Sometimes more so then kids. And GOD forbid your significant other believes you spreading your love and attention to your kids, friends, family or work. You will get loads of crap for it. What’s worse, if they go on the tirade of you not paying enough attention before you do, you now cannot retort with it back without sounding like a copycat. So if you find yourself fighting with your “love” make sure you bring up the “you don’t spend enough time with me” first. Cause it is all down hill from there and you don’t want to be on the bottom. Worse than the person who loves you and wants your time is an Ex. These wonderful individuals want to steal your time when you wish they would just fall off the planet. These people seem to always call when you are with someone you actually like, and then they talk and talk until you just wish your phone would die or you die for that matter. (Has anyone seen my belt? The door knob is looking good)


The worst and most destructive of all time vampires. Drama. (enter creepy foreboding music here) This is something that can come from any of the above. Not only does this suck up actual time, but ones the physical part is done, you are now left with the residual emotional vampire sucking the energy and life out of you all day. This interfears with all of the vampires above, and it even affects how you take care of you. The one person that if you don’t take care of it causes others to suffer too. (unless you are an introvert who hates people and tries to stay away from them. Kuddos)

So what can I say in closing about time vampires that is more sarcastic than above? Probably nothing. I am really sarcastic most of the time. I prefer to be that way. More fun.

To close this today, Time vampires can be good and bad. Honestly anything stressful that makes me wonder why I got out of bed is not necessarily termed bad or good. Just indifferent. I like to pretend that I am Switzerland, totally neutral. We all know that no one can be neutral. But in this case, I love certain time vampires and loathe the others. All I know is that everyday I wake up my neck is red, I crave blood, and I wonder why the sunlight is hurting my eyes. You don’t have a stake on you do you?

Suckin it up,
Lady X

Vampire Heart – HIM

You can’t escape the wrath of my heart
Beating to your funeral song (You’re so alone)
All faith is lost for hell regained
And love dust in the hands of shame (Just be brave)

Let me bleed you this song of my heart deformed
And lead you along this path in the dark
Where I belong ’till I feel your warmth

Hold me
Like you held on to life
When all fears came alive and entombed me
Love me
Like you love the sun
Scorching the blood in my vampire heart

I’ll be the thorns on every rose
You’ve been sent by hope (You’ll grow cold)
I am the nightmare waking you up
From the dream of a dream of love (Just like before)

Let me weep you this poem as Heaven’s gates close
Paint you my soul, scarred and alone
Waiting for your kiss to take me back home

Hold me
Like you held on to life
When all fears came alive and entombed me
Love me
Like you love the sun
Scorching the blood in my vampire heart

Hold me
Like you held on to life
When all fears came alive and entombed me
Love me
Like you love the sun
Scorching the blood in my vampire heart

Hold me (Like you held on to life)
Like you held on to life
(When all fears came alive and entombed me)
My vampire heart

Love me (Like you love the sun)
Like you love the sun
(Scorching the blood in my)
My vampire heart

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Website Built with WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: