I’ll see you. I think its pointless but I will do it. 

Call after 8:15pm. I want the kids in bed before I leave. I told my mom I am going out with work friends so this time you get to be the secret. I hope this visit isn’t going to make this worse. I can’t take much more and you need to tread lightly with me. I am not feeling strong right now, and I know I need to be. I have gone over what you could need to say to me a million times and I can’t come up with any reason for you to think we need to talk. I am baffled and it is only my sick and twisted curiosity that propels me to see and talk to you at all. 

Make this visit worth it Carlos. Because I have lost all patience and trust and hope with all of this situation and I am more guarded than you have ever seen. I am on the edge and I don’t want this to be what pushes me over. I don’t need that nor do my girls. I have endured more than I ever should have had to with this and it hasn’t been fair and I don’t want to leave this situation hating you. I want to find a peace that will help me move on so that maybe I can look back and be grateful for the positive things you taught me and to be able to look past the feelings of betrayal and pain and hurt that I have now. I know I am 1/3 at fault for all of this. I will take my share of blame. Don’t think I lay it all on you. My stupid emotions got the best of me when I knew better. The timer told me no, don’t get attached but you and my heart convinced me otherwise. I should have listened to the ticking. But there is plenty of blame to go around. So I happily share that part with you.

If you still want to talk and meet then just call me after 8:15pm, I will already be ready to leave. We can arrange a place to meet and finish this.

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