Just plain mad

I spend a lot of time wondering why other people get away with so much. I am speaking in worldly terms so I don’t need a philosophical answer nor do I need to hear about Kharma. I am merely complaining and I promise when I am done I will get off my soap box.

My ex is seeing a therapist, this alone is amusing. But I digress that I can’t tell you why I find it that way. His shrink says that his kids cause his pain. So he doesn’t see them on Wednesdays anymore. So when I went to get them tonight the older ones wanted to stay and he told them they could. My little one wants her older siblings to come home with her, and after a dramatic conversation and me telling them they had to come home I look like the bad guy. I got them frappiccinos so they are happy with me now but it shouldn’t have been an issue. My oldest answers me with, but we don’t see daddy that much anymore. This isn’t my fault. I had nothing to do with that. I let him and the kids figure that out. I hate being the bad guy. I just want to pick up my kids, have them be grateful to see me, and then come home. Is almost worse to get them now. Plus next weekend he gets them on one of my Saturday’s since that is our arrangement since he doesn’t have them on Wednesday anymore.

I just wish I knew what to do. I am a lone single mom. Plus my sister moved out and took her boys so now I am on my own two nights a week for a sitter so I may have to change my availability at work. I’m frustrated and tired, I have been sick for like a month and half, I await for things to get easier and yet they don’t. If this life and all of the hardness that I struggle with is what I get then fine, I want nothing else. But I will continue to pray for a light at the end of the tunnel.

(steps off soap box) you may continue your day.

All my love,
Lady X

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