Nobody’s home

I have dealt with a lot of hard things in this life. I have come away from these experiences having grown, having learned, and being just a little bit better for it.

I have decided that it is harder to deal with some of the small things than it is to deal with some of the bigger things.

My kids are at their dads this weekend. And he keeps all of them now. So for the past few times it has been his weekend I have come home to an empty home. I have come home to no one. I have put my stuff away, ran a hot bath, then gone to bed. the empty bed. More reminders that I am single. I decided to finally drag myself from bed at noon. Take a shower and get out of my house. I don’t need on days like this to spend time thing about the lonely. Makes my mood worse.

So here I am, alone, eating sushi (cause it cheers me up) and yes I am alone. I think it will take me a long time to adjust to not having the girls with me sometimes. Its ok though. Everything in this life has a learning curve. Maybe I spent too long comfortable, not learning. Lord knows that since I left my ex I have had nothing but learning curves. Everyone needs to learn. It’s good for us. It helps us grow. And honestly you are just watching life if you aren’t learning and growing. And it’s a boring movie if you don’t participate at all. I want to live, to thrive, to grow, to love. All of these things help us live. And I thi that if most people took a deep look inside, a really good honest evaluation, most people aren’t living. Just existing.

I don’t want to just exist, I want to live, to be apart of the bigger pict ure. And yes, be apart of the tapestry of life even if that means that I get to be a lone string, rather than a matched pair.

Live today my readers, all two of you. I am always here, thinking of you and hoping for bigger futures and bigger love for all of you.

Love always,

Lady X

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