So many times this week I have wanted to write. With little to no energy to put forth the effort to pen (or type) the words to save them here for your viewing. Frustration at being put on a medication that makes me sleeping and also being deprived of the life giving juices of caffeine have left me fighting myself to get anything done. It is just a lot harder than I imagined it would be trying this out for my gyno.
Having your surgery (that cost you a pretty penny) not get rid of your pain, is very frustrating. After all. I make payments automatically every month to still hurt. Is kinda makes me angry.
My doc is hopeful that it isn’t the same thing. She doesn’t think my scar tissue that she removed could possibly grow back in the short time that it has been since I got my insides all scraped up by her. I just don’t know.
It makes Joseph worry terribly as well as the kids and my family. I don’t blame them for worrying but I hate needing to be taken care of for any reason. Makes me feel like a baby that can’t handle what she has been given. It is really aggravating.
Today I am focusing on what I can do. I had a long morning at work. So I did some dishes when I got home, had some lunch, and then passed out. It isn’t even a good sleep. I usually wake up all sad and tired and antsy.
I need to get over to the vitamin store and see what I can get to combat this lethargy. It really doesn’t become me.
Now that I have been a huge whiner I will digress and wander into the land of hopeful thinking. So far everything else in me is in working order. We are on the danger week this week of awaiting ovulation. Which means I get to be super super careful since I figured out I was allergic to that stuff called spermicide. I am ordering a natural one today. I doubt it will get here in time to fill my diaphragm so I guess this week we are just gonna hope for the best. I can already tell I’m all emotional (stupid hormones) and I am just trying to keep an eye out for all those unique body changes that point me in the direction of the two most dangerous days of the month. (Egg dropping count down, should be this Friday if my calendar is right)
When spending some serious time in tune with your body you can tell the tiny changes. I can actually feel things changing. It is very very interesting. Some quiet reflection, prayer, and meditation just leads to notice these things and makes me more aware of how my body is working. Now if only I could get on a schedule with my vitamins. No doubt that would help tons.
While this post has been lame and pathetic at best I felt the need to form words into simple sentences for your viewing. Perhaps you are really bored and needed something to read.
Everytime I think of Ovulation i think of Archer.
Spend some time with yourself this week. It helps so much to take the time to enjoy some quiet peace within yourself. You will be happy for it.
All my love always,