The Invisible Enemy

For anyone who knows any part of my personal story, you would know that there are times when the enemy has run my day to day. The invisible enemy that no one likes to talk about. The one we want to never admit has a giant place in our lives. That enemy is fear.

When it was my first marriage, the fear I lived with each day was the fear of failure. Of not doing a good enough job as wife and mother. Despite going to church, reading the word, I had no value, nor did I see the value in myself that our Creator tried to show me in His word. Fear can blind you to things so completely obvious that you miss out on growth, you miss out on life and you miss out on walking into your calling.

I wasn’t just afraid of failing, I was afraid he would leave me. Afraid he wouldn’t love me anymore. Fear ran everything for me. It kept me trying desperately to make something work that was obviously just not. I look back at that hurt and scared little girl, and I wish that I could hug her and tell her the wait she has ahead of her will be worth it.

Have you ever felt like you kept missing the mark and that fear was more of your daily friend then a positive super power of amazing faith in God? Then you and I are running side by side. It may seem as though there are people out there who have it all together. They are just as afraid, they haven’t found the courage to say it out loud. Give them time. Be there for them when they do.

With fear comes worry. “Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matthew 6:27. We cannot. What is worse than that? It actually steals time worrying about what comes next. We can’t control anything other than ourselves. So worrying about if we can help or fix someone else is not our job. With the transition from a long job to current trophy wife status as I prepare to potentially reenter the world of education, I find that I had spent the last (at least) 3 years, bathed in fear. Fear of what would happen if I truly pursued what I wanted. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of hurting people I love. Fear of not being the perfect partner. Fear of failing clients. Fear of underperforming. Until I took back my mornings, fear was the first thing I felt every morning when I waited to see what notifications of potential failures awaited me on my screen.

Fear made me take time from my family so I wouldn’t lose time at work even when I had a car accident that required physical therapy for months to get back to near 100%. Fear made me skip things that were important to me so I could do more work because I never felt like I ever did enough.

Fear steals joy. It is one of the biggest thieves in our lives, and we give in to it so more often than we would ever admit. Had I been abiding in God’s perfect love, and not seeking to place those around me on HIS pedastool, I could have instead, had peace in God’s perfect love. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18.

There is many places in the bible that mention a fear of God. I think that so many of us don’t spend enough time truly understanding the difference in the kind of fear of the Lord we are meant to have and how the fear of man and the fear of this world out shadows the fear we should instead place in our lives.

Fear of God comes from reverence. It is knowing we deserve the penalty for our sins and understanding that great and mighty, all knowing and all doing is our God, perfect and holy, but still understanding that He doesn’t want to fear us as an unloving tyrant, but as a loving sovereign God who wants to bless us abundantly. A great example of the reverent fear we should have comes from 1 Peter, 1:17-18. “Since you call on a Father who judges each person’s work impartially, live out your time as foreigners in reverent fear. For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver and gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors.” This broken earth is our home, but through Christ we are now foreigners until He comes again and makes us a new heaven and earth. Until then, the ways of this earth are not our ways, and our job is to discern if the people that we are surrounding ourselves with are our people or are they the world’s people.

If you have been living in fear, if you have been fighting the good fight each day to try to be what someone else needs and it isn’t working, cry out to God. This yoke you hold may not be yours to keep. Give those bonds over to God, let Him lighten your load. You are a beloved, amazing, child of the almighty, and let me tell you He didn’t send His son for your sins so that you could spend your life on this earth in fear and misery. He sent Christ that we may have abundance, not of material wealth, but of the peace and the purpose that comes with giving over your life, and letting God drive you instead of letting the world.

Overcoming fear isn’t easy. Took me years to face mine the first time, and years the second time. I pray I have learned truly this time that I have more value than I gave myself before. That I can do this, and that with God, all things are truly possible, including healing.

It wasn’t easy, and each day I still have some measure of fear to work through. But each day brings new peace, new healing, and new perspectives from old friends and new ones. Every time the world gets a little scary, and I begin to feel that fear creeping up, I cry out to God. Shortest prayer ever, HELP! He is just a moment away, He already knows what you need, He is just waiting for you to ask. May you always have the courage to seek your ever grace giving and holy heavenly Father when you are in need. And if you ever need someone to be an ear, or to help you carry your burdens, inbox me. Sometimes just having someone to pray can lighten the load.

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