A new journey has begun for me and my family. My heart has been locked in dreaming and wanting of another child since my last daughter was born. After I married my upgrade Husband, we began trying and failing to get pregnant. Through 7 years of infertility struggles, endometriosis pain, two surgeries, countless negative pregnancy tests, and too many tears to count (God has kept every single one) my heart has been softened. Softened to a new future.
Through a Facebook post from a friend that mentioned her daughter being a rainbow baby, *For those of you who don’t know, a rainbow baby is a child born after miscarriage* I realized that all 3 of my girls were rainbow babies. Each born in the wake of their elder siblings life stopped short of breath.
Between another painful ruptured cyst and looking into the future at what I would endure to journey through IVF, God laid a peace upon my heart to let go of the dream I had for “just one more” to instead seek healing from the daily struggle of pain.
If you would have asked me 3 months ago, I would have told you I would gladly suffer through whatever it took to have another child. That is what is so amazing about relying on God to lead the way. Just when we think we have it figured out, (despite the flat tire and missing steering wheel) He joins the rescue mission. Now in exactly one week, I will be scrubbing up for my full (unless one ovary manages to look good) hysterectomy.
In light of this COVD-19 wacko world we live in, and despite what fear could try to occupy my heart, God has presented me with perfect peace. Settling into that peace has given me a renewed strength to see this part of a painful journey ended and a new chapter inked to page.
Yesterday morning, God placed this long poetic exchange on my heart.
I share it with you today as my testimony that God is faithful. When you trust Him to light the way, your path (even if it’s just one step at a time) will be illuminated. Even when it doesn’t follow your plan or what you dream, He will return and restore what the enemy has taken away with an abundance that will blow you away. As my friend Vanessa Walker says, “if we let Him, God will exceed your expectations.”
I pray these words bless you and keep you. May God shine His face upon you, and give you peace.
“Too long has gray ruled my skies
Like a child longing for the warmth and freedom of the sun, chin in hand
I gaze through life‘s great window
Droplets of rain splatter the glass and slide into oblivion
What has hidden bright skies beneath unknown and mysterious darkness?
What tender mercy can pierce the longings of my soul?
My hand gripped closed, dreams so tightly grasped within my fingers, no light can penetrate
The secrets of the heart, so tangible but ever still lacking beyond more than a fantasy
Yet, even now, I can see the break in the storm
The clouds begin to part
Across the sky not one, not two, but three rainbows
The promises of God
The promise to never leave
The promise to never forsake
The promise to exchange beauty for the ashes of mourning
Too long worn by day and by night
The master artist, His colors of creation, hues of promise masterfully paint the stormy skies with Hope
Hope of healing
Hope of mercy
Hope of Grace
A perfect hope intricately designed to fit inside my sky of the future
I look down at hands once overflowing and heavy with worldly dreams and childhood wishes now open and empty with quiet anticipation
Not waiting on God, but instead, waiting on me
As I seek only his wisdom
My eyes on Him and His journey for me alone
My worldly freedom now only guided by God, who know always the desires of my heart
Trusting Him to renew those daily mercies
Fully dependent on the promise of God
Plans NOT to harm me, but to prosper me
Plans to give me hope and a future
Before the sun sets on one dream to give birth to another, I stand confident that God restores all, far better than I can dream it
Glancing at three stunning rainbows as they occupy my sky, my heart is weightless
As the last tear of sadness slides away I am refreshed and renewed
He laid before me, Peace and indescribable freedom
Freedom that only comes with Christ”
Christ’s Humble Servant, Tiarra Tompkins