Waiting on God

"Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord." Most of us don't like waiting. There are some places for me where my patience abounds but when it comes to myself, I have no ability to wait. My expectations of how fast or how well I do something comes with little to no grace and... Continue Reading →

Be Loved

I feel blessed. I look back at the Facebook feed and wonder how I got this far. My girls are growing so fast, and each day I have the chance to be my husband's wife. I literally don't need anything else. I know there are people on this planet striving for greatness. The recognition of... Continue Reading →

Too fast 

It goes too fast. I watched a video on Facebook showing a days perspective from both the mom and the little girl. What seems ordinary to us is magic to them. Kids can often see so much more than we can.  I want to see life through that lens. The lens that life is magical.... Continue Reading →

Selfish

I am selfish. I hope this doesn't surprise you. I have said on many occasions that I hate sharing my children with my ex. I continue to believe that a child deserves the best a parent can offer. He is losing his girls right before my eyes. I will not intervene. And I have warned... Continue Reading →

The fight against Futility

noun, plural futilities for 2, 3. 1. the quality of being futile; ineffectiveness;uselessness. 2. a trifle or frivolity: the large collection of futilities that clutter ourminds. 3. afutileact or event. I am struggling. Perhaps we will say today has been a struggle. I think that the good days for sure outnumber the ones where I feel I am fighting the tide. I have realized the error in my ways. The reasons that I am struggling. I have... Continue Reading →

Adversity

Adversity: noun, plural adversities for 2. 1.adverse fortune or fate; a condition marked by misfortune, calamity, or distress: A friend will show his or her true colors in timesof adversity. You can only grow stronger in situations that provide you with adversity. Defined above as calamity or distress. I am taking a deep breath this morning and trying to learn from adversity. What is affecting you so? Well I will tell you. I still find myself working at Starbucks. 2 years... Continue Reading →

Being Broken

Perhaps I didn’t realize that damage that I had sustained during my previous marriage. I didn’t realize that it had affected me so. In February I began battling my anxiety again. My head was filled with false thoughts, and old wounds were opened up and I was left feeling afraid. Scared of what each day might... Continue Reading →

They made it!

So we bought our wedding bands from a shop in China cause we are broke and because we liked them. Well I was starting to worry that they would arrive in time for the 31st. I started feeling anxious. This morning one of the two shipping tracking numbers they had given me said it had... Continue Reading →

As the day approaches

I have been sick for like 2 weeks now.  It is wearing thin on my patience as this Thanksgiving is important. More important to me than usual. Since it is almost always about food, I am currently excited about what it means for changes in my life, and the lives of my girls. See my Joseph... Continue Reading →

It’s yours now

An odd thing happened the other day. I got a message from Carlos that asked if I wanted the pictures that he had of me and the girls from almost 2 years ago. Of course I want those pictures. So I arranged for him to bring me a disc. To my surprise he brought a box... Continue Reading →

Paint me

You have painted me in love. There are invisible tracings all over me. It is a path, a map. Only you can see.Your breath a dangerous brush that paints the canvas of my body in ownership.The places that you visit belonging only to you.The tool you use to paint me doesn't matter. Be it your... Continue Reading →

My Words

Often times when I go back and read the things that I have written, I feel as though the words belong to someone else. As if the pen in my hand was writing for my subconscious. The thoughts and feelings are mine. I feel them, I know they are my words, but it is as... Continue Reading →

She waits

The days is warm But she does not play She waits Teddy bear in hand Hair combed, dress pressed She waits There is no smile on her face No rosiness to her cheeks She waits This night is like the others Her eyes light up and dart to a passing car She waits She sits... Continue Reading →

Finally

When I was going through my drama with my ex husband, my emotional cheating, my unhappiness, all of the lies that my ex decided he should tell me he had been doing to me over the years, I had one longing.I waned to belong to someone. That someone at the time was Dick. Now my drama... Continue Reading →

The deep of the ocean

So many things to say. How to write them all. I worry sometimes at my inability to express all that I feel. Sometimes feelings so much can be overwhelming.  I have realized that I had suppressed so much of how I felt about things in this life that when I finally did remember what it... Continue Reading →

So much to say about nothing

Poetry and prose lend me an outlet for scattered thoughts. Most of which bombard me at the strangest times. My sister kept the girls last night to keep my mom from needing to wake up so early. It was my sisters first night off of work in like 3 months. So I readied the kids... Continue Reading →

Desperate for his tender kiss

The most dangerous kiss is not the passionate one that ignites the fire deep inside me It is not the kiss that expresses the depth of how much you missed me while we were apart It is not the kiss that pulls me into sweet blissful distress, breathless, longing, aching for all of you It... Continue Reading →

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